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| aaaaaa nhức đầu quá!... What a lame headache! My head just suddenly hurts so much, what the pig?! oh no still gotta finish something.... aaaaaa úm ba la xì bùa headache go away preaseeee!!!!!!!! >__(\..... | | |
| Omg. I felt a tear at the corner of my eye... What the...?! .... Now on two eyes there are tears... what the hell is this?!
I hate being like this... I really do... but somehow i keep catching myself being this way, helplessly.
Don't know what's up with my own feelings and emotions anymore.
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| Yep! That's what i'm trying to do right now! It's gonna be okay, Nguyên. Be strong! You can overcome this! Everything will be okay at the end. Don't waste the tears... Don't be weak... Don't give in... BE STRONG!!! You know you can do this! Time can heal everything!!! BE STRONG! BE STRONG! BE STRONG! BE STRONG! BE STRONG! BE STRONG! | | |
| sigh... I did something weird today.... or i've been so weird today... What am i really doing?! I don't like it. I don't like what I have been doing at all. I think I made him mad... :( but i really don't know what to do anymore. It drives me insane... Have I really fallen hard?! I don't want to though... it's so... different... well, scratch that... I want to/should fall in love since i'm in a relationship already... but all the emotions and feelings that I have now... they feel so unhealthy... I miss him a lot. Everything around me feels a bit empty without... I thought it could be filled with friends and school... but after the whole day, there is still that period of time before sleep.... the time that I miss him a lot more compared to the whole day... it drives me crazy realizing how much i miss him and how deep i might have fallen already... It's something i'm hesistating whether I should tell him or not. I'm afraid that it might be a burden on him... or idk if he'd think that it's too corny and cheesy hearing it T.,T .... yeahh girls were born to think with complication. sighh... Still more than one week till the next time I see him... Hopefully my life gets a lil busier so I won't feel this miserably everyday...
As much as I dislike being this way, I don't regret liking and missing him... Sorry and Thank you, anh =]
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| First off, this is one of the best birthdays i have ever had in my entire life. It is very awesome. =) From the 12:00am of September 22, 2009 until 11:ish pm of September 22, 2009, there was not one moment I did not enjoy. At first my roommates threw me very surprised birthday party right when it turns 12:00am! YAY! I was truly surprised!!! and the Tiramisu cake blended with ice cream is SUPER GOOD YUMMY AND TASTY... like OMG SO NGON QUÁ XÁ LÀ NGON!!!!!!!!! Then I woke up and welcomed the day with anh lying right next to me. =) Anh drove all the way down from OC to SD to spend it with me... Anh made me feel very cảm động! Then during the day, I heard nothing from the close-fwends 'crews' ... Well actually, i thought they might do something to surprise me on the day before.... but time passed yet nothing happened... hơi bị quê check đồng hồ mỗi minute... hic thiệt tình... so on the day of, when it was already half the day, i didn't want it to pass by so lamely celebrating birthday by myself, so i spent all the text i had left to text ppl to go eat.... and more than half of them denied... fuck my life right there T.,T ... when i told Anh about their responses, Anh just HAHAHA-ed at me... i was like >.> dzì dzậy chời?! ... then he told me not to worry... that was how i kinda suspected "wait... did they just trick me?!" ... but i didn't wanna be too full of myself so i told myself not to think about it... and after receiving some more "sorry i can't go" texts... tự nhiên khóc ngon lành luôn... then Anh dỗ dành, cười, and nói "don't worry much, if they are your true friends, they will come through till the end" ... then i stopped khóc-ing... then I thought có Anh spending the birthday with me the whole day... that's already more than enough :) then we ate lunch together... chilled... then he said he'll take me to dinner with ghetto style... yeahh... the kidnap happened... and YAY!! another surprise :] happy happy!! so touched and happy that so many people could make it out!
With all that, i indeed truly feel very blessed; however, at the same time, i feel... scared... Generally , I consider myself a pretty unlucky individual... plus good things don't happen in a row.... in the whole row of good upcomings, there always has to be many obstacles (aka bad things) embedded. So the whole three happy consecutive days... might be replaced with 3 whole weeks of obstacles... or even 3 years. I am taking a very risky path now since it's the path where no one really knows of... it is my mistake-fixing path. so if i can't pull through it properly, i will fall miserably again... Initially, I was gonna just give it up and let life decides everything for me and started to live accepting anything and everything emotionlessly. Then Anh entered my life. Because being with Anh makes me happy and full of hopes, I decided to take this risky path. risky yet it is to fix the mistakes that i've made in the past. The path that would make me live the life taking it day by day. Honestly, I don't think my mentality is really prepared to start this path at all. I'm kinda scared somehow... I'm scared that I won't be able to handle the obstacles/difficulties that this path has ready for me. I'm scared that I will give up again. I'm scared of disappointing and losing my loved ones again and again...
eoslithljskghkmjfhgkfjdswl;rfghfdlkw whatever. i'd just try my best to live the days for now. let's start the fixing, Vivian!  cố gắng lên!!
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