|Coming back to xanga might not be a good sign... since most of my xanga posts reek negativity or depressive episodes.. lol.. but oh well, what else can I do if I want to vent at 2:30 in the morning, right xanga?! ^.^;;|
Why the fuck can't people be a little easier to deal with? Why the fuck was it so hard to hold on to these kinds of friendships that you always thought and hope it's gonna last? I know I ain't any miss perfect .. if I can I really want to selfishly cuss the fuck out to their faces and tell them how I really selfishly feel... Ahh speaking of selfishness.. that's really all I want to be right now.. selfish.. and yell at their face about what people do that totally pissed me off. Yes, really. But.. it's my boyfriend's birthday.. so I'm gonna try to sleep all these irritations away and hopefully hopefully I would not feel like this anymore in the morning. But oh boy.. I am so ready to cut off even more people in my life. It might be another selfish decision but I am so tired of being Miss Goody-two-shoes around them already. Sometimes I just want to live in a totally different city and start my life anew. If only... right? :/ sighhh
ps. if you read this, Ice Cube.. it is NOT about you.. so don't misunderstand..
|Can you believe that I, a girl that is in her early 20s, starts driving around only recently? THe feeling of driving is actually great!! (mister 'jinx', don't take away that feeling anytime soon pleaseee T.,T) However, I can also understand the wrath of driving as well...|
When I was still on the passenger seat, which was most of my life, I couldn't understand why people had to curse while they were driving.. Yes there are bad drivers but you wouldn't need to like curse your lungs out at them. After having my hands on the steering wheel and my right foot on the gas/break pedal, I finally understand why... SOME PEOPLE ARE FCKING RIDICULOUS AT DRIVING!!!!! UGGGHHHHH!!!!! Today, I was so lucky that I got to spend an entire hour, instead of 15 or 20 min like usual, in traffic thru the CA-78 [that was sarcasm btw]... Oh so many 'amazing' drivers that within a course of 15 min, I literally CURSED my lungs out at them... but good thing my bf was also in the car with me, so the conscious self helped refrained me from using even fouler vocabs. Thank you bf for helping me retain the girl-ness from drifting away with the wave of profanity ^.^
Seriously, my summer had not been breezing so far. I felt as if I have had so much more wrinkles from being angry at everything, creatures, and.. bodies.
random rant on random night, checked.
|why am i so curious? is this curiosity for self-confirmation? why am i still holding on to it when there is already someone in my life? why do i have to seek for that confirmation? but is it even the same confirmation that i'm looking for? and why am I even looking for this kind of things? |
well..there goes something that is still unanswered on my unanswered questions list.... sighhh
Why does it keep coming and leaving and coming back to my mind like this? This is bad.... ><''
|sigh.... somehow i can't focus to study at all.... its been me and one ochem chapter the whole day and i'm not even half way yet... -_____-'' baddddd me.... i feel like i need to take drugs to forcibly focus o.O uh oh..|
- Hello my friend! :] You gotta do what you gotta do! As long as you feel right, don't worry about regretting it later :] Hope you are okay. Stay strong, mam! <3 thuong
hmmm.... somehow I am still unsure about my own relationship.. I keep wondering to myself about how should I feel to 'prove' to myself that what i am doing is right and I am happy in this relationship.. I mean... it's inevitable to have arguments in the relationship.. Once, my mom caught me cry because of him.. She said "it's only been a year and you already cry... how is the relationship gonna be stable?" Because at that time we made up already, so i told mom "well... it's just disagreements that we have... we're still getting to know each other mom... plus i just cry really easily... so that's why i cry... its nothing big" Unfortunately, that was not the only time that I cried... there are many more arguments that we have. Sometimes, I wondered, is this really the right man for me? and somehow it scared me to have such thought in my mind >< Perhaps I am always dreaming about 'one love, one life' and "happily ever after", so when things went offtrack a little bit (arguments), I felt vulnerable and doubtful..which I shouldn't... T.,T
:'[ how sad.... we argued again just now... it hurts me to know that the reason this time is just so..... stupid. I felt a bit disappointed. I understand that no opinion can be wrong.. but it just hurts to hear that is how he thinks... we were just at peace a few days ago and now already arguing again :/ Feeling so kho' chiu ...
somehow.... idk.... there's a saying "if you love someone, you would love his or her good AND bad habits"... but somehow I just... can't accept the 'bad' ones. Logically, there's nothing wrong with his thinking... but Morally, i don't agree with it.. but somehow I can't..accept it... I'm afraid to think that do i really love him? It hurts really bad to have such thoughts though. I am very happy to be with him. There are so many times that I look into his eyes, at his face, hug him, hold his hands and wish to be with him forever... but somehow during the bad times-arguments, i felt so vulnerable and started having doubts about us.. and even about whatever he said... :/
suddenly, the song "Chỉ Mỗi Mình Anh" comes up on my itunes... I just feel like I do... love him.. and I'm willing to try to understand and accept his imperfections... Hopefully it's just the matter of time that I would not be bothered so much by this.... sighhh
what a night... now back to studying ochem T.,T
|midterms - DONE!!!!!!!!!!|
weeeeeee! but one fat lab report due tomorrow T.,T
somehow still irritated every time you step into the house.
Why? I really have the urge to ask... Why is it so hard to get along with you? Why is it that you are so irritated with me? Is it really me that cornered you to make the decision of moving out? What is it that make you so miserable living with us? or with me that the only thing you can do left is move out? What is it that you have with me? Huh? Wtf is wrong? Can't you just spill it? Don't act like you are miserable in front of others.
irritated. annoyed. can't stand it. can't stand your behavior. can't stand you.